Beware How You React Towards Your Child

This article is about the relation between children and their surroundings, especially their relationship with their parents. Many of the issues handled by hypnotherapists are often directly related to situations occurring in childhood. It’s typically something parents have said or done – without having bad intentions – that have caused the issue. The article contains some examples of this and some suggestions on avoiding it.

It is said that children are more accessible to hypnotize than adults because children spend a lot more time in hypnosis during the day since the hypnotic state is a vital part of learning. Children are curious beings, and hopefully, they can have nothing but trust in what their parents tell them. As a hypnotherapist, you can only dream of achieving the kind of trust with your clients that exists between a child and its parents. A great deal of the treatment with hypnosis is made up of faith. If the client doesn’t trust the hypnotist, immediate action should be taken to either solve this problem or end the session altogether. There is no point in wasting each other’s time.

When a client seeks out a hypnotist, it’s often to solve issues like breaking a habit, stopping smoking, releasing anxiety, etc. The relation between a child and its parent is very different from this since it’s a process where the parents teach the child how to sometimes adapt to the surroundings and sometimes be critical. Parents’ most significant task is to teach the child to be independent and responsible.

This process goes on all the time in many different ways. Sometimes the child will unconsciously pick up on certain beliefs and behavior of the parents, while the parents give the child a direct verbal message. The focus of this article is primarily on oral statements. This focus is straightforward to illustrate by examples since there are dozens of hypnosis sessions in the literature about hypnosis, where an authority close to the child reacts very strongly towards the child, thereby causing a future issue. I have read a lot of literature on hypnosis, and I will try to provide references whenever I can remember them. Let’s start with the examples:

In the book “Hypnose on hypnotherapy” (danish book) p. 236, Jens-Jørgen Gravesen writes about a woman he treated for anxiety. By hypnotic regression, she was led back to a situation she was in at the age of 5, where her siblings are teasing her by crawling under the couch and pretending they couldn’t get out again. She screamed in anger and fear because she couldn’t do anything about it. This makes her mother come running and eventually get angry with the little girl because she screams. The little girl interprets this as a prohibition of displaying her feelings when experiencing anxiety, which gives her very uncomfortable symptoms of stress later in life.

In the book “Hypnotherapy” p. 155, Dave Elman writes about a man treated for speaking problems. Through regression, he finds out that he played with some animals that he thought were ducks when the man was a little boy. He wanted to see these ducks swim, so he put them in water. All of the animals drowned because they were not ducks but chickens. When his father found out what he had done, he punished him very hard, and whenever the boy tried to explain what had happened, he was punished even harder. This situation caused him to have problems speaking.

In the book “Transforming therapy” p. 16, Gil Boyne has a session with a client with spelling problems. The client is led back to some earlier experience in his life, where there were troubles with spelling. The most significant experience about this boy’s articles is found on p. 25. On this page, the client is in a situation where his mother (a teacher) tells him that he is a lousy speller. This remark turns into a limiting belief in his subconscious mind. A similar thing is described in a book that I can’t remember the name of. The author meets a man who cannot read or spell, but he has a tough job to carry out, especially if you cannot read or spell. The author presumed that some limiting belief about reading and spelling was why this man couldn’t do so. By regression, he found out that a teacher in one of the early grades had hammered his hand on the table and told him that he would never be able to neither read nor spell. That turned out to be correct, right until the man met the author.

Nearly every book on hypnosis, where there are descriptions of cases, will contain examples of persons who have had childhood experiences affecting them in their adulthood. In most cases, the adults who impose these things on their children have very well intentions, but they are not aware of the possible consequences of their actions. In all the examples I have provided above, I believe that these parents act towards their children in frustration or anger, making their efforts very impulsive and inappropriate. I’m sure every average parent could forgive their child for drowning several chickens by mistaking them for ducks.

Maybe some of the readers of this article would like to know how you avoid being in the same situation with your children as the parents in the examples are. The point of this article is not that you should consciously consider every sentence you speak, that you very effectively kill a lot of the sincereness from every conversation with your child, and that may be a lot worse. I will have you think about what you do when you are emotionally affected by something your children do. If your child wants to help you by getting some eggs in the fridge and dropping all of the eggs on the kitchen floor, you need to be very calm and consider your actions. Maybe that were the only eggs you had, and you don’t have time to buy new eggs before the guests arrive, especially not now when you also have to clean the kitchen floor. But your child didn’t do this to upset you! You have to consider this whenever you are emotionally affected by your child’s actions, even if your car gets scratched or other things of importance to you.

When children unconsciously are hypnotized by their surroundings, these cases make hypnosis a very effective tool in treating these issues. A set of limiting beliefs can induce many of the problems people experience. Fortunately, these limiting beliefs can be reverted by using hypnosis consciously. So the next time you hear someone say that reading or spelling is related to intelligence or that some issue is determined by genetics, consider if this could be the cause of some limiting belief imposed by an early childhood experience.